Memento Mori

I’ve dreamed last night. My favorite teacher who already died appeared , and two close friends died.

The teacher was laughing again. In my dream I was taking pictures with my teacher again. When two of my best friends died in my dream, I was not trying to believe. Even though one close friend died in front of me. It was a train accident on the line called Shikishima-Line. With the message of the LINE not coming back and another close friend told me "She died," I was forced to believe that it was true that the two were dead. My best friend was sad too, but said to me, "I know, I feel for you. You didn't want to believe." I woke up with crying, a few hours before the alarm clock.

Yesterday there were a number of moments when I was upset at the time of mahjong and I was about to cry. I wondered what to do if my close person died.

Before I went to bed, I remembered that time to talk about urge to die. I had an urge to die but  two friends had no idea of ​an urge to die because they’re busy with living. I had thinking that there was a moment when everyone would want to die.

How can I have to think about dying so much yesterday and today? I don't like it, literally, I'm getting stomachache. It's cloudy outside.

3rd June,  morning